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TOP BUMPER STICKERS SEEN AROUND THE WORLD 1. Constipated People Don't Give A Crap. 2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself. 3. If You Drink, Don't Park, Accidents Cause People. 4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon? 5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut. 6. Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point. 7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive a little better. 8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant. 9. Thank You For Pot Smoking. 10. To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing. 11. If At First You Don't Succeed...Blame Someone Else And Seek Counselling. 12. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings" 13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer. 14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger. 15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger. 16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass. 17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me 18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home 19. I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha 20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me 21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time 22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult 23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away? 24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name 25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway 26. Illiterate? Write For Help 27. Honk If Anything Falls Off 28. Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes 29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit 30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person 31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool! 32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To 33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket? 34. It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now 35. I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere 36. If You Can Read This, The Bitch Fell Off (Seen On The Back Of A Biker's vest] 37. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong 38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back! 39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...[Upside Down,On A Jeep] | |||||||||||||||||||
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INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE 1. Give people more than they expect, and do it cheerfully. 2. Memorize your favorite poem. 3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want. 4. When you say "I love you"-mean it. 5. When you say "I'm sorry" look the person in the eye. 6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. 7. Believe in love at first sight. 8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. 9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt, but it's the only way to live life completely. 10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. 11. Don't judge people by their relatives. 12. Talk slowly but think quickly. 13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" 14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. 15. Call your mom. 16. Say "Bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. 17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. 18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others, Responsibility for all your actions. 19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. 20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. 21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice. 22. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any others. 23. Spend some time alone. 24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. 25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. 26. Read more books and watch less TV. 27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time. 30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don't bring up the past. 31. Read between the lines. 32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality. 33. Be gentle with the Earth. 35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered. 36. Mind your own business. 37. Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss. 38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before. 39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction. 40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck. 41. Learn the rules, then break some. 42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other. 43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. 44. Remember that your character is your destiny. 45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon. | no comment | |||||||||||||||||||
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40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph. 41. Guys-No Shirt, No Service Gals-No Shirt, No Charge 42. If Walking Is So Good For U,Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Roseanne 43. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One. 44. Ax Me About Ebonics 45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel 46. Boldly Going Nowhere 47. Cat: The Other White Meat 48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde! 49. Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That 50. Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends 51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window 52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost? 53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets. 54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch 55. Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It! 56. Warning! Driver Only Carries $20.00 In Ammunition Pouch 57. What Has Four Legs And An Arm? A Happy Pit Bull | |||||||||||||||||||
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